touch:feel
by Silentz
Summary: It was always about so much more than touching him. It was about submission, and the vulnerability of a moment. NaruGaa. Yaoi.


Summary: It was always about so much more than touching him. It was about submission, and the vulnerability of a moment. NaruGaa. Yaoi.

Author's Note: This was originally going to be really short and in Naruto's POV, but then it ended up being a fusion of two different ideas. It kind of evolved, and I'm glad.

**touch:feel**

Naruto's fingers splayed across Gaara's upper-back and over his shoulders, pressing with the slightest of force. Though it was minute, he could feel the swift tensing of muscles beneath the skin, the unavoidable diffidence there even though they had already been doing this a long time now.

How long had it been since the last time? A month? Two? There were times when time itself seemed to pass by on a breeze, missions making it so that it seemed like only yesterday when he had last seen the staid expression of the Kazekage. Still, there were other days in which every grueling minute was felt, in which every second divided itself endlessly. That was partly how it all started, the massages.

Of the two of them, Gaara was certainly the one more adept at masking his emotions. Most of the time, it was not even a matter of masking them, but of being unable to recognize and therefore express them. His array of facial expressions was so limited that Naruto knew them all. A quirk of the lip meant displeasure; a shift of the brow—surprise. A nod could be either amusement or boredom, depending on if it fell to the left or the right. To anyone else, such mannerisms might have been meaningless and overlooked, but Naruto understood them; mostly, because Naruto understood Gaara.

He understood, one stifling summer afternoon, that he did not understand exactly what he was seeing, and this caused him unexpected alarm. He had just arrived in Suna and was prepared for the expanse of hours—in some case days—that oftentimes passed before Gaara would be free to see him. That's why he was shocked to find Gaara in his austere office, shoulders bowed in just barely and a small furrow between his brows. Naruto did not know what it meant.

"What's wrong?" he asked quickly, forgoing the standard greeting.

Gaara faced him, features shifting and resetting so fluidly that Naruto wondered if he had been seeing things. "Nothing."

"No. Something's definitely wrong. What is it?"

Gaara's lip quirked. He was displeased. "There's nothing wrong, Naruto."

"Don't lie to me," Naruto said seriously. And then he smiled. "I've known you for too long. Just tell me."

Gaara remained silent for a few seconds, probably debating whether or not he wanted to argue. He almost looked too tired to try. He looked tired, period.

"It's just my neck," he said, attempting to push the topic aside.

"Your neck?"

"Yeah, it's nothing—"

"Well, what's wrong with it? Does it hurt? Did you strain it or something?" The usual smirk. "Have you been watching too many pretty girls walking past? I knew you were a playboy."

Gaara narrowed his eyes, revealing his lack of appreciation for the blond's attempt at humor that was also semi-serious. Naruto was always asking him who he was dating, if he was dating? There were so many young women interested in him that he had a hefty pool to choose from—were he to actually choose. But Gaara always dismissed such inquiries. No, he wasn't interested in anyone. And he most assuredly didn't have time to be cavorting throughout Suna with a woman on his arm. He never actually said any of this, but his face said it perfectly.

He was about to turn toward a stack of papers which awaited him, when Naruto laid a hand on his shoulder.

"Wait," said the blond. "Your neck hurts, right? I know you're amazing and all, but you can't just dive right into work. It could get worse." The flatness of Gaara's expression asked what other realistic options he had with the implication that there weren't any.

"How about a massage?" Naruto asked. Gaara's face was quickly shifting into one of refusal, such that Naruto cut off whatever other implication was forming. "Yes, I know. The almighty Kazekage has a job to do, but this will only take a second. Plus, I'm pretty good at them. Iruka-sensei, Sakura, and Lee all say so, to name just a few."

Gaara looked skeptical in his veiled way, but the fatigue he was also feeling really seemed to drag him down. If it were any other day, he would have certainly refused. "It won't take long?"

"Nope. I've got magic fingers—well, I know how that sounds, but…yeah. No, it won't take long. So what do you say? Can I?"

Again, Gaara glanced at the stack of papers, but his small exhale said it all. "Yes."

"Great!" Naruto stood behind Gaara, whose shoulders immediately twitched, though just a fraction, upwards. "Have you ever had one before?"

"No."

"Well, you're in for a treat. Just relax and let me do all the work."

Even as he said this, he knew what to expect. Gaara did not relax at all at first, particularly when Naruto's hands first fell upon his shoulders. Actually, it was the opposite of relaxing, Gaara's sand activating so that Naruto had to take a step back several times before he could actually even begin the massage. But gradually, Gaara calmed, or at least he calmed enough—enough for Naruto's hands to begin working—working until Gaara really had calmed, Naruto's thumbs pressing into his neck softly and slowly—pressing until Gaara rested his face in his hands and really rested it there, losing just a little of that perpetual tension for the first time in quite some time.

And so it began. This was not a one-time occurrence, as Naruto suspected it might be. Granted, Gaara looked more refreshed than Naruto ever remembered him looking when his hands left the Kazekage's neck, but Gaara was not one to develop a dependency. Not that this would happen, but it could happen, and it was the possibility that presented the problem. But, to Naruto's surprise, the next time he offered, Gaara looked at him with that skeptical half-expression and agreed. And so it came that this became a normal facet of their relationship.

During the course of time in which Naruto happily administered his services, some things changed while others did not. Naruto knew he had a good ten to fifteen minutes to get the job done, and fifteen was pushing it. Anything more and Gaara would start to tense back up. Naruto also had to be very careful about trying anything new. Particularly, when his hands started straying toward Gaara's lower back, there was a good chance that the redhead's sand would trigger. Not only that, Gaara himself had certain signals that meant, simply, _No_. Typically, it was a subtle jerk of his body that Naruto felt through the other's skin. Other times, when they actually progressed to the stage where Gaara would close his eyes, he opened them. Some days, he just shook Naruto's hands off and said he really needed to get back to work. Naruto came to know all of these responses quite well, to the point that he knew when to expect them and how to avoid them.

Through all of this, Naruto also came to know Gaara in another, entirely-unexpected way. A touch was not simply Naruto's hand on Gaara's shoulder. It was a contract. It was the resulting hypersensitivity that Naruto developed in regard to the Kazekage—hypersensitivity in terms of hyper-observation and hyper-feeling. Feeling most of all. Naruto came to love giving those massages. He even loved asking. When Gaara said yes, he loved that most of all, because it meant that Gaara trusted him, that he was turning his body over with the trust that it be handled with care. And Naruto worked with that trust, never intentionally challenging it. He did care for that body, that body of the boy he knew at times so well and sometimes not at all. That perpetually-tense body. Naruto loved it; because he had the power to change it.

It was a strange realization, but it was true, because to help Gaara meant that he himself was helpful, that he was needed. More important still was the fact that with no one else was Gaara the person he became when Naruto's hands moved over him. Only with Naruto did Gaara lower his defenses, however faintly.

Today was no exception, though there were exceptions to be had. It was day three of Naruto's latest visit, and during that time, they had spent all of five minutes together. Though difficult, this was not unusual. Sometimes Gaara had a lot to do—things that could not be put aside, regardless if Naruto happened to show up. On this particular day, his duties had kept him preoccupied for the better part of the morning and half of the afternoon. When he finally did trudge into his office, shoulders bowed, but only slightly, Naruto stood. Were it not for the sudden movement, Gaara probably would have missed him.

"Took you long enough," Naruto said, a playful lilt to his voice. The tone was also edged with concern.

"Sorry," Gaara said flatly. "Agreements always take long."

"I was actually about to leave, since I wasn't sure when you'd be finished. Good thing I didn't."

"You probably should have. Honestly, I'm very tired, Naruto. I'll only make for poor company."

"You could never make for poor company," said Naruto with a smile. "Not even if you tried. Now—" he cracked his knuckles, a mannerism that was not so much a habit as it was for show, "—since I'm here, I may as well be useful. Let's go to your room. You can lie on your bed while I give you a massage, and that way you'll be all ready for a nap anyway. Sound like a plan?"

Gaara stared, first at Naruto and then at the wall behind him, his eyes narrowed. Something seemed to pass between them, something which passed between them regularly now.

"If you wish."

Naruto's smile widened. "I do wish. Do you?"

Gaara didn't answer. Naruto didn't expect him to.

It was Naruto's voice that carried through the halls and open doors as the two boys made their way to the Kazekage's sleeping quarters. Some people greeted them; others did not. Some people clearly had their suspicions, but of what it was unclear. True, the two were close, and Naruto was particularly known for his outright affection toward Gaara, but the blond's feelings were innocent, almost childlike at times.

At times. Other times…there was still the innocence but not so much the childlike aspect to it. But it was not only Naruto.

Kankurou began watching his younger brother very closely, catching him staring at that fox-boy on more than one occasion. And what was he supposed to do with that? It was fine to stare and all. But. It was more than that. Even more startling was when Kankurou looked up from dinner to see Gaara staring at Naruto, only to watch as Naruto caught the redhead looking, stared back, and broke into a warm smile. What in all of Sunagakure was he supposed to do with that?

He settled, finally, with a simple, disgruntled comment. Disgruntled because he had to say something, didn't he?

"Listen, if I can tell, then other people surely can."

But Naruto and Gaara only stared, this time at Kankurou, clearly at a loss for what he meant. The older nin could only conclude that maybe they themselves didn't recognize what was happening, that maybe they didn't understand. What was the difference between a phase and real love? The answer should have been simple, but it never was.

The answer was not simple as Naruto closed the door behind Gaara, who glanced at him before letting out something like a sigh as he made his way over to the bed. The room was dim; there was only one window up toward the ceiling, but that was how Gaara preferred it. It was quiet.

"You really are tired, aren't you?" Naruto stated.

"We can talk if you'd like."

"I don't want to talk. Just…just lay down."

"You're upset."

"I'm not—" Naruto paused, took a deep breath. "I'm not upset," he said calmly. "I'm just…frustrated or something. I just really wanted to see you. Gods, now I'm whining. Just take off your robe and shirt and lay down."

"My shirt?"

"Yeah, like we did before. It'll feel better that way."

Gaara paused. "But…last time—"

"I know," Naruto gently interrupted. "This time will be different. It'll be okay…I promise."

Again, Gaara paused, but he did unfasten his robe, tugging off the sleeves while Naruto started in on the straps of his vest.

"Man, you wear a lot of clothes," Naruto said, but he was smiling. Eventually, the robe, vest, and mesh undershirt were draped across the back of a chair. Naruto caught Gaara's eye for a moment, but the contact was broken as the red-haired teen lay face-down on the bed, pale arms at his sides. Wooden chair legs grated along the floor as Naruto pulled the chair beside the bed—typically a useless item, as he usually remained standing.

"You ready?" Naruto asked, as he always did.

"Yes."

Outstretching his hands, Naruto kept them suspended for a moment. The last time he had tried to touch Gaara's back without the natural division of a shirt, Gaara's sand nearly sent him flying. Were it not for some adept evasions on Naruto's part, he probably would have been seriously injured. However, he was not mad. It was Naruto, after all, who had suggested it despite Gaara's stoic uncertainty. And, though Gaara didn't appear at all shaken by the incident, Naruto could tell that he felt bad. It was quite a while before he let Naruto touch him again.

Still, Naruto knew this time would be different. And it was.

Whereas the last time he simply wanted to try something new without much concern about the possible repercussions of his brashness, this time he was careful. This time, his hands slowly pressed onto Gaara's back—barely touching at first, before pressing down more firmly. Gaara visibly stiffened, his shoulder blades drawing inward a fraction and his hands clasping into fists. But Naruto was careful. His hands smoothed across Gaara's skin—up his back, over his shoulders, and down his arms. Gaara was so tense that Naruto could picture him jumping up and bolting toward the door, even if that would never realistically happen. "It's okay," he said. "Just relax."

Using his palms, Naruto rubbed Gaara's back in elliptical patterns until he felt some of the stiffness dissipate. The sand was a constant presence, however. The tiny granules whisked across the floor in constant motion, mimicking a feeling of uneasiness. Naruto ignored them, instead concentrating on Gaara's skin, the way it shifted and moved with his fingers. The warmth there—the way it seemed to increase with his touches. His hands skimmed up and over near-white shoulders, kneading them gently with his fingers and thumb. He could feel Gaara's attempts to draw them up, his lip quirking at the corner as his turquoise eyes narrowed. But still, Naruto was careful.

"You've got some pretty bad knots," Naruto said, working on a particularly pesky one in his left shoulder. When Gaara again started, it was not because of his uneasiness but because of the pain, the pain that was steadily decreasing with Naruto's ministrations.

Smiling, Naruto felt more than he actually saw Gaara progressively relax. His hands pressed and kneaded into soft flesh, feeling almost like he could mold him, make him into someone without pain. Sometimes, that was what Naruto wanted more than anything else. Other times, he wanted something else entirely. During such moments, he lived for the gradual shift of Gaara's face, from rigid to almost peaceful, the way the furrow would leave his forehead and his lips would slightly part. Though Gaara's face was turned on the pillow, Naruto could still see him close his eyes, his shoulder drawing up and fingers uncurling as another knot was worked through.

It was a rare and wonderful day when Gaara actually closed his eyes. On a previous occasion, he had even fallen asleep, but Naruto knew that Gaara purposefully tried to stay awake because he saw himself as vulnerable otherwise. Not to mention the fact that, since Shukaku's extraction, sleep itself was still a foreign concept. But still, there was something there, something which Naruto worked toward: Gaara, calm and free of life's cruelties…if only for a moment.

"Naruto."

"Yes?"

The furrow had resumed its place on Gaara's forehead.

"…I really wanted to see you, too."

"I know," Naruto said with a grin.

"You do?"

"Yeah. I can feel you."

"Like now?"

"Well, yes and no. I mean, I can touch you with my hands, but I can also feel you. I can feel how you feel. Even all the way in Konoha. It was like that one time when I left the village without telling anyone so I could come and see you."

Gaara's brow shifted. "You got in trouble."

"Yeah," a soft laugh, "but I could tell you needed me. I could just feel it, you know?" When Gaara remained silent, Naruto laughed again. "It's okay if you don't understand. The only way I know how to say it is that I feel how you feel."

No more was said as Naruto continued to massage Gaara's back, his fingers pressing and twisting until Gaara again closed his eyes. Naruto really worked hard to rub out the knots that he found, exercising both carefulness and proficiency in his actions, to the point that little "mm" sounds would slip through Gaara's lips every so often. Naruto watched his face with something akin to fascination, realizing idly that the sand had long ago stopped skipping over the floorboards.

With Gaara nearly asleep, it was best to stop. Naruto gently pulled his hands away, bringing a thin linen sheet up and over Gaara's body, which shifted onto its side.

"Did I wake you?" Naruto whispered in response to the movement.

"No."

"Good. You should try and get some rest."

"Are you staying?"

"Well, I wasn't going to—"

"Stay."

Naruto's mouth quirked at the corner, a sort of half-smile. "If you wish." As he proceeded to tuck Gaara in and smooth the sheets, he caught Gaara staring at him, blue-green eyes locking with his own. With that same almost-grin on his face, he brushed a few errant red strands from Gaara's forehead before gently placing a kiss where a small furrow had resurfaced. When he pulled back, Gaara was still staring at him. This time when Naruto leaned down, his lips brushed and pressed against, however briefly, Gaara's lips. There was the same pliable softness there as Naruto kissed him, almost as if Gaara would let Naruto do anything to him, entrusting the entirety of his self to the other. Avoiding Gaara's eyes, Naruto stood, replacing the chair by the desk, pulling off his own jacket, and slipping into bed beside Gaara. It was quiet.

"Naruto."

"Yes?"

"…I feel how you feel."

A warm smile. Then, "I know."

**fin.**

* * *

  
**If there was one thing I wanted to convey, it was the innocence of their relationship. Though its oftentimes painful, it can be fun, liking someone. Funny how it just happens. That said, thanks for reading.**


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